A Simple Uncomplicated Life
About three times a year I sink into a pit of self wallowing despair and loathing of life, today is one of those days. I felt odd last night, I went to my aunts for dinner but had not been there longer than half an hour when I had to excuse myself and go home again. I knew it was early depression onset but hoped that it wouldn't go away - it didn't.
I had a lovely dream last night, I was lying with a guy, just lying. Plain, simple, no erotica, just holding each other. Then I woke up, realised it wasn't real and its really upset me. I'm sure part of it is Valentines, which I hate anyway because I won't be told when to say "I Love You" by companies looking for commercial gain. But it sure hasn't helped my mood.
This seems to be a vicious cycle. I have a deep need for companionship, I'm tired of being lonely, but I've been that way for so long that I've forgotten how to go about getting rid of it.
I'm going back to my pit of despair.
The snow is really coming down a storm here as I expect it is in the rest of Britain! I'm LOVING it! Those of us who are luckily enough not to have to trudge into work on this bitter monday morning can surely relax and take in the beauty of it whilst safely snuggling in our homes.
I have no completed and submitted by application for "The Best Job in the World" (www.islandreefjob.com) and once the video is up, running and added to the site I will post the link here for everyone to take a look at. Whilst we're waiting for that to happen then feel free to visit the link to find out what its all about - maybe even apply to!!
Tweeting is also becoming my life, I love TWITTER! You can find me here: http://twitter.com/GeoffWakeling and follow me daily as I tweet. Even Phillip is now Tweeting, TM even bought him a laptop so he could make live tweets in the show! Alas Fern is running solo today as Phil is snowed in, but he's still tweeting!
Until later folks
Now, any of you that have read my blog for any length of time should know that I am a self proclaimed hermit, usually air on the side of caution and remain nonchalant to the mysteries of dating, relationships and actually becoming emotionally drawn to anyone. Other than the odd and often regretted random hook up I tend to stay withdrawn in the mating area.
So, it was with great anticipation that I stepped out today on my first date in more than 4 or so years and do you know what I found out……it isn’t actually that bad! The worst that happens is that you don’t click, which we didn’t, but I spent a lovely afternoon talking to someone, watching a film and generally actually living. The little eccentricities about someone’s person that often endear us to them were unfortunately absent, the little curling eyebrows, the French accent, sad but it didn’t grip me. But never the less, it’s given me optimism to carry on and move forward.
I don’t even know what the fear was before. I always said “I can’t be bothered”. Could I really not be bothered or was this covering some deep seated issue that I didn’t want to be rejected….probably. I’ve never been rejected, the problem here is that this is only true because I haven’t actually dated either.
The year of Love and Adventure seems to be continuing nicely. Lets see what else happens!
I am quite mortified at my lack of updates!! I don't know what to say!! Let see what's been happening:
• I've been continuing to work for ITV and after a couple of guest appearances (one as a bandaged mummy with Nadine Baggot & another as a christmas elf for a feature cooking piece with Phil Vickery) I have settled down a bit working on This Morning's "Challenge of Your Life" feature. Currently we have three women training for the marathon.....my job is to train with them when Julie (our presenter) is giving lessons, run alongside them and do the camera work.
The things we do for TV!
It's great fun but VERY tiring. We did the Epsom Down's 10K this past Sunday. It was freezing, windy and muddy. It's alright for the girls.....they get to run, but I have to run ahead, run behind, get good camera shots, and keep on track as well as actually running the full distance!
• The Marathon. Training is going well and I can't believe it's actually this year that I'll be running it. It's bizarre how "normal" running 12miles is....you kinda of get used to it. I'm aiming for 3.5hrs or better...we'll see how I do. The only thing that I am missing is BOOZE!
• Year of Love & Adventure. Last year was the year of the career. This year Xenia and I have decided that its love and adventure. This being so I have my first date in over 4 years this week! Scary!
Plenty more fish in the sea? Well I'm looking for them!!
Celebrating 25 years of the “Natural World”, BBC 2’s splendid natural history series was back tonight with an in depth look at the Mountain Gorilla’s of
Watching it on a whim I was soon drawn into this fascinating world of the Gorilla and found myself quite affected by the story told. With my background in Zoology I have always been aware of the mountain Gorilla’s, of Diana Fossey and her plight and was therefore intrigued when I found out that the leading man of tonight’s show was a Gorilla born under the watchful eye of Diane Fossey and her team. Having an in depth history of Titus’s background, where he was born, how he survived, how he overcame the largest of obstacles to become the longest running King Silverback in our records was quite astounding.
Titus sits amongst the vegetation
Born to Flossey, Titus found himself alone at a young age after the group was overtaken by a rogue male who killed Titus’s baby sister. With an unnerving display of humanitarian characteristics his mother and several other females fled the group leaving Titus abandoned and alone with a group of males, the leader being the murderer of his sister. For the next few years the male troupe remained intact, showing a homosexual behaviour never before seen within Gorilla’s, until, after the death of a silverback from another group, a number of females appeared on the scene. Beester, the leader of the Titus’s group, killed two of the new female’s babies and ran the rest of the males out of town but yet again in another unknown behavioural characteristic allowed his good friend Titus to remain behind. In the following years Titus gained in strength and allegiance, siring his first child unbeknown to Beester at the tender age of eleven.
But it was Titus’s character that stood out. He’d been abandoned, he’d survived against all odds, the murderer and leader of a male troupe had allowed him to survive and then, in another bizarre twist Titus somehow managed a coo to take over the troupe without spilling any bloodshed. This was an outstanding character.
Natural World wrapped up with another shock. As Titus took his troupe to the summit of their mountain territory his strange friendship with another silverback, Kuryama, amidst the troupe (allowing another fully grown silverback within a group is in itself extremely rare) was broken as the other male took, through non aggressive terms, most of the group back down the mountain leaving Titus with only a few of his loyalist supporters. But it was then revealed that Kuryama, had in fact been confirmed through DNA sampling, as Titus’s first ever child. Titus himself took his remaining group down the other side of the mountain into
Some of Titus's offspring including overthrower Kuryama
Some of Titus's offspring including overthrower Kuryama
But it was the intensity of this 40minute show that really struck me. Here were living, breathing, intelligent beings. A mother fled a group after her baby was murdered, a father allowed his son to remain in his troupe up until the point where he himself was overthrown. Why are we allowing these creatures to be murdered and poached. They are our closest living relatives, they are intelligent, and yet we are increasingly making them extinct. At one point in time they ascended into the mountains and we took our first steps towards humanity. It could have easily been the other way around, one small step the other way and the roles could be reversed. Natural World should be watched, pondered upon and then your feelings acted on.
I’m feeling great today. I’ve had a wonderful weekend in
Reading National Geographic today (which my sister very kindly bought me a subscription to last year) and I came across this stunning picture. Isn’t it just inspiring? That such a huge, wonderful and docile creature can be hunted to near extinction yet here, it simply circles with intrigue and interest is surely amazing.
I must admit that every time I now see a picture with a diver in, or go near any kind of beach I start to become green with envy. Diving’s a funny thing, it really gets in your blood and now I’ve been once I just can’t wait to go again.
It was with interest that I picked up a copy of the television circular “Broadcast” and read a very interesting couple of articles. One was about the producer of Spring/Autumn watch, the other about a team of experts and presenters going out to film the BBC’s newest Earth Epic – Oceans. It made me realise just how comfortable I’d become and that I needed to step up my game. The articles were simply brilliant, incredible stories about incredible people doing incredible TV. Here I am, sitting quite happily at “This Morning” (not that there’s anything at all wrong with that) and all around me people are making groundbreaking television, television that is the reason that I wanted to join this career path. Taking things for granted is a funny thing, no matter how amazing something may be, how much we are blown away by its greatness initially, eventually, with time it fades. I love working on This Morning, it’s a great show with great people but falling into place has made me, I must admit, become comfortable with the way things are when really I shouldn’t be. I’m a freelancer and I’m currently in an area that I want to move on from. I know we should take baby steps but we should always remember to keep the dream alive and keep on pushing.
Ellen – wonder woman, great friend, ambitious professional, liar? Strictly speaking its not lying as she simply didn’t tell me, or any of our friendship group about a recent jaunt she took to
At the remarks that other friends have made to her since finding out I can sure see why she chose not to initially tell anyone, but surely she did this because she, in her heart, knew that we wouldn’t approve. But of course, it is impossible to tell what goes on behind closed doors and you only hear “he’s done this to me”, “he’s horrible”, “he hit”, you don’t hear the good things, the rosy times, those extra special occasions. But how can you make sure you don’t overstep the caring friend mark into the “I’m judging you, what you’re doing is wrong” area. We are still trying to be friends, to reassure, to comfort but perhaps saying what is really on your mind simply closes the lines of communication for future times and before you know it your best friend is having trips to Iceland that you don’t even know about and lying about where she’s been and what she’s done! It’s a difficult situation, a grey area and I don’t know about you, but when it comes to me, no one is actually ever good enough for my best friends which always makes it that much harder when trying to have unbiased intimate discussions.